Sanjay B. Jumaani

Sanjay B. Jumaani

Sanjay B. Jumaani, the brilliant numerologist, and the genius behind such names as Kahin Kissii Roz and Delnaazz Paaul is being awarded the country’s highest civilian honour, the Bharatt Rratnaa, for his immense contributions to the film and television industry and the major role he has played in it’s success. He was also cited for the tremendous influence he has had on the next generation of Indians through his work, his newspaper columns, and his radio shows.

He started his career rather unobtrusively, adding the odd ‘a’ to the end of names like Shobhaa De and Ishaa Koppikar. He slowly made his mark felt by replacing various sundry vowels with “ie” or “ei” in big names like Suniel Shetty, and Riteish Deshmukh. But he really matured as an artist of extraordinary caliber when he challenged conventional norms with the bold Kkusum. From there, he went from strength to strength, until he reached the pinnacle of success - Himesh Reshammiya’s Aap Kaa Surroor - the Moviee - A Real Luv Story. Anyone who has seen reviews of the movie, and people’s comments on the story, direction and acting will agree that the resounding success can only be attributed to numerological causes. And who can forget the brilliant Kasautii Zindagii Kay. The “ii” at the end of the first and second words lulls the viewer into a false sense of complancency, which is masterfully shattered when at the end, instead of the expected “kii”, we get the surreal “kay”.

The influence of Jumaani’s work is not confined to the borders of India. His impact is slowly spreading to the rest of the world. Who can doubt the name and the subsequent success of the Nintendo Wii is ultimately attributable to Jumaani?

But, these are not the real reasons for awarding Jumaani the Bharatt Rratnaa. BasKya has learnt through reliable sources in the Home Ministry, that his real contributions are those that have not happened yet, but have been predicted. Chief among those are the astronomic rise of the Sensex in 2008 after it is renamed to Sensekks; the final and peaceful solution to the reservations issue after reservations are set to the more numerologically sound 3%; and the complete annihilation of Pakistan in 2011 when he will go undercover as Arabian numerologist Sanj-e-Jumma-i-imaani and will give them bad numerological adivce.

Hopefully, there are more accolades in store for Jumaani. We here at BasKya sincerely hope that he is awarded the Param Vir Chakra. Soon.

Notes and Related reading:

  • Numerological analysis of why Rajnikanth and Sivaji were successful
  • Jumaani’s website. This is a must read. Full of gems like “Abhishek Bhachchan and Vidhya Balan both won an award as predicted by me last year. Himesh Rshamiya is a number 5 person hence won an award.” (Note the spellings.) Also, the predictions page only contains predictions of the past (Aishwarya will get married, Aamir will get married); I couldn’t find any predictions of the future. To quote Neils Bohr, “Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.”
  • Rahul Bhatia has a long and detailed article about Jumaani. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry at the end. Contains such gems as “his wife, Jhernna S Jumaani (a ‘germologist’ who runs a company called ‘Gemz Bonnd’, according to her business card)”.
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